It’s our 4th year of Marriage Anniversary!
Co-Heirs meet James, very well known was Led or dude if you have ever heard me talk about him, my husband. Today we are celebrating 4 whole years of marriage! “Do you know what today is…It’s our anniversary” in my singing voice.
God really did his thing when He blessed me with this man. I am not just saying that to say it, but I really mean it. When you can find someone who is not only a friend, but your best friend, who has your back, and will tell you when you are wrong—you should keep him around.
If you read my Confessions of an Heiress post, you would know that I have not always had the best of luck in relationships. It was not until I desired better for myself and saw better in myself that I was introduced to this dude.
When Two become One
Marriage is the joining of two becoming one. Two separate households, two separate perspectives, joining as one. Wifey having and experiencing one way of living, while on the other hand, Hubby having and experiencing one way of living.
Let me tell you what was told to me. “Marriage is not always happy, love making days. It is work, commitment, and sacrifice.” I believe that is worth repeating. “Marriage is not always happy, loving making days. It is work, commitment, and sacrifice!”
“Marriage is not always happy, loving making days. Marriage is work, commitment, and sacrifice!”
Lady Thursday
Ben Steverman wrote for Bloomberg “Generation X and especially millennials are being pickier about who they marry, tying the knot at older ages when education, careers and finances are on track. The result is a U.S. divorce rate that dropped 18 percent from 2008 to 2016, according to an analysis by University of Maryland sociology professor Philip Cohen.” Read more here.
With only 4 years of marriage many veterans will probably say “Oh, y’all are still newly weds…wait until you get to 10, 30, 60 of years of marriage.” I dare not claim to know everything, but what I have learned I want to share with you just as others have shared with me. Here are 5 pieces of the best marriage advice ever that have worked and are working for us.
1. Personal Reflections
One of the biggest lies ever told is “a woman needs a man to complete her.” A man is not who completes us, God is. If you are seeking wholeness you have to know you are as an Heiress and Co-Heir to Christ to find it. Women, your value should not be wrapped up in the many platforms of social media, nor any man. A husband should be, just as mine is to me, your Moses. He is the very instrument God gifted me with to help draw out the best version of me.
There is a misconception circulating in the unconscious mind of women today, whether you recognize it or not, that “There is value in being known, celebrated, identified”. Finding wholeness is going to require you to be discipline and devoted, daily. If you know who you are, then you know who you are not.
It is only then that you can bring the full you to the table, and compliment that man.
Tip:
Stop adapting to your expectations, based on your perception and/or reality of your circumstances. Instead discover your core purpose as a disciple, and allow it to grow, develop, and flourish into what God intended your fullness to be.
2. Take Divorce off the Table
Do you recall how easy it was to break up, walk out, delete numbers, and move on, when you were dating in an out relationships? I do. As soon as something went left, or the argument got too overwhelming to deal with, “chucking my deuces” was always the easy way out. Well in marriage it is an entirely different playing field if you choose for it to be. Taking divorce off the table from the very beginning was a must. This forces us both to confront the issue and work together to overcome it. We chose this decision, because we are committed to one another, and not the idea of the word “marriage”.
Tip:
Take divorce off the table. Keep y’all business, y’all business.
3. Perceptions
Our perceptive was never discussed before our marriage, at least not throughly. We simply assumed life would be like it was for our parents and what we saw in our childhood. If you are like me, and did not grow up in a two parent household, and or divorced household, for me marriage was what I fantasized it would be like. My fantasy was shaped by movies and romances on TV–there is no script when it comes to marriage.
Is it too late to discuss what you expect from one another if you are already married? Maybe, and maybe not—if you are in a relationship with a partner who has an understanding that marriage takes work commitment and sacrifice.
Tip:
Get to know one another. Don’t assume. Discuss your expectations.
4. Positive Intentions
Positive intentions, we all have them until things turn and trigger a displeasing, hurting moment of reflection in our lives. We then respond defensively, and not always with the best intentions. This response only, in return, create issues. In a marriage we should always be seeking to bring greater wellness, wholeness and positivity into our lives and our relationships. You can governor your response and your reactions to a situation to narrate a positive end.
Tip:
Be kind to one another. Speak up and out.
5. Keep Forgiveness Flowing.
The honeymoon or “newlywed” phase is a state of mind. This is the phase of marriage where everything seems “perfect”. It’s like waking up and falling into a bed of roses everyday. “Oh what fight? We don’t have those.” You two agree on just about everything.
What happens when your first big argument arises and the smoke begins to settle? Divorce is off the table, so you aren’t going any where. How do you move forward living a happily ever after? An argument does not have to be the end of your honeymoon phase. I have met couples, 30 plus years in, who have said they are still in their honeymoon phase.
By communicating we press forward, and catch this, we have to forgive. Forgiveness is not for the other person, but for you. Ephesians 4:31-32 reads Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Tip:
Fight to resolve the issue, not to win.
Do you have any tips on keeping your marriage healthy? I would love to hear from you in the comments below. If you know a Co-Heir who can use some helpful advise share this post with them!
No regrets, no looking back now. Until next time, live in purpose.
