Last year around this same time I was defining and narrowing in on what it was that I was in search of my life. I started the year off with high expectations for myself to show up for me first, in everything. There were no resolutions listed that I had hoped to follow through with, only the hopes of finding me.
As I looked at myself in the mirror, I wanted to know who this woman was that was reflecting. I knew she had dreams and desires for the most productive, most satisfying, and most joyful life she could have. I saw her future and what she could be, but I didn’t fully comprehend her purpose today.
Life has a way of re-shaping your world time and time again. Uncalculated paths, like the loss of our first child, isolation from family, are enough to make or break you. In the midst of my wilderness, new paths were uncovered, and in my desert climates streams of water still flowed. Then there are the calculated journeys, like college graduation, marriage, buying your first car, that
My perspective on life was more meaningful than before. My appreciation for love grew stronger than before. The desire to be closer to God became an undeniable beating impulse. As this new woman emerged, I yearned to know her. I wanted to know her purpose and what mattered to her.
“I used to dream of the woman I am becoming today. [Thirty] years; it’s almost the time it took me even to have a clear and precise vision of who this woman was. I had trouble finding it. I crossed her sometimes and recognized her with the energy that she released around her, but she escaped me every time. It was as if she was inaccessible. But I [decided] to be like her. I [decided] to trust myself, to have an opinion and to walk with certainty in the direction that would lead me to the life I want to have. The last time I met her, she saw me. She recognized me a little bit of her. She smiled and held out her hand to me, “Come on,” she said. Since then, she has been walking by my side, and she guides me.”
Savannah IG@savannahtaider
She is me, and I am her. Here is the reality no one told me you will lose yourself, but you will also find yourself again. Only this time, you will be the better version.
No Regrets. No looking back now. Until next time, live in purpose.
XOXO,
J.Renee
