When you exist in spaces that weren’t built for you, remember sometimes that just being you is the revolution.
Elaine Welteroth – More than Enough
Elaine Welteroth has really had me dissecting pieces of my life and reflecting on memories tucked away, long-forgotten–at least I thought. Almost two years ago, in January, I was defining and narrowing in on what it was that I was in search of my life. I started the year off with high expectations for myself to show up for me first in everything. I did not list resolutions with the hope of following through, only the hope of finding me.
As I looked at myself in the mirror, I wanted to know who this woman was that was reflecting back at me. I knew she had dreams and desires for the most productive, most satisfying, and most joyful life she could have. I saw her future and what she could be, but I didn’t fully comprehend her purpose as of today.
Life has a way of re-shaping your world time and time again. And if you aren’t careful with what you give your focus to, you’ll quickly get lost in the disruptive beauty of a whirlwind. Uncharted paths, like “first love” break-ups, academic probation, pregnancy scares, the loss of my baby, isolation from family, equality deficits, navigating life in my black skin, are enough to make or break you. Maybe that’s why Alicia Keys’ song is presently in a rotation of my top five. I know what it is like to lose control of all my energy. My self-bondage naive ways did more damage to my heart than the others who wronged me. I can’t count the number of times I have given in. Constantly changing my identity to fit into spaces never suited for me. I didn’t mean to go so far from the woman I wanted to be.
Amid my wilderness, new courses were uncovered, and in my desert climates, streams of water flowed. I’d like to say these are charted journeys. Like college graduation, marriage, buying your first car, events you have plans to see happen for yourself. All in all charted or uncharted, each occasion shows you-you had what it took all along.
It was undeniably apparent the woman I was before had grown. My perspective on life was more meaningful than before. My appreciation for love grew more robust than before. The desire to be closer to God became an undeniable beating impulse. As this new woman emerged, I yearned to know her. I wanted to know her purpose and what mattered to her.
She is me, and I am her. If I could reach back in time and lift up that young girl who always had the desire and compelling imagination to be more, I would say…
Here is the reality no one told you you will lose yourself in life trying to be everything to everyone else, but you will also find yourself again. Only this time, you will be the better version. Don’t settle for being so foolish with no plans for tomorrow. You are beyond the acceptance of the mediocre advancements in life–demand more for yourself. Reposition yourself to be the best version of you that God created you to be. You will overcome your fears, insecurities, and disbelief, and one day, you will step into your rightful position as an Heir. This is God’s desire for your life. Despite the battles, the party girl phase, numerous failed relationships, the search for belonging, validation, and purpose, in His eyes, you will always have an invitation to claim your right to the throne.
Live with no regrets. Learn from your mistakes, and be intentional to not make them again. Crowns up.
XOXO,
J.Renee
